tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post1861760606829047067..comments2024-03-26T01:28:27.414-04:00Comments on It's In The Details: Summer Query Extravaganza #8Michelle 4 Laughshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06876457259362839114noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-46234226820844613902013-07-11T22:47:58.045-04:002013-07-11T22:47:58.045-04:00As always, Michelle has awesome advise. Your conc...As always, Michelle has awesome advise. Your concept is great and pulls me in. I agree with Laura's comment on giving just a bit more clarification. I think with these few adjustments, you will have an nicely polished query. Good luck and thanks for sharing.Regina Castillohttp://childcenteredteaching.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-25720438725129750762013-07-08T14:50:35.401-04:002013-07-08T14:50:35.401-04:00Hi! I agree with Michelle's comments. I like t...Hi! I agree with Michelle's comments. I like the first sentence, and the concept sounds interesting. I think you just need to show a little more clearly how we get from one point to the next. <br /><br />A couple specific comments: changing from the "strange girl" to the "dead girl" might help since now I'd assume she is alive. If she is alive, then I'd like to see how she ties into the rest if the other girls are dead.<br /><br />Is "the creature she isn't sure she can trust" Fynn? I wasn't completely sure. Also, her grandfather had a smile on his face, yet I imagine the waterlogged dead girls to be less happy. If all the dead die with smiles, it might make it more clear.<br /><br />Best of luck!Laura Rueckerthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267281174937559086noreply@blogger.com