tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post2115532939573233982..comments2024-03-26T01:28:27.414-04:00Comments on It's In The Details: Fall 1st Hop Critique 7Michelle 4 Laughshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06876457259362839114noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-11988626269508866002014-11-21T01:20:09.489-05:002014-11-21T01:20:09.489-05:00If they are corn tortillas (especially if they'...If they are corn tortillas (especially if they're soft/fried) they definitely have a wonderful smell! I think you can condense the whole Mexican food scene and then have room to hook the reader more. Good luck!Shari Schwarzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03638002520541246382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-41780729115420070192014-11-20T20:20:27.454-05:002014-11-20T20:20:27.454-05:00I would just like to say that the idea of kids at ...I would just like to say that the idea of kids at a spy school has so much potential and yet it feels like you're wasting all that in the opening by being excited about Mexican food. I'm sure most kids can understand the fun of taco day at school, but it's not that interesting to read about. I can imagine so many cool things about spying school that would work: lock-picking class, secret gadget lab, hacking courses, combat training. Why start at lunch, the most boring part of the day?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02568940271252821814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-24089090961743320452014-11-20T15:59:45.103-05:002014-11-20T15:59:45.103-05:00My first thought was that I wasn't sure what T...My first thought was that I wasn't sure what Tortilla's actually smelled like. Do they have much smell? I might change this for something more smelly like nacho cheese or spicy ground beef.<br /><br />Seems like a lot of time was spent on the mexican food and the flimsiness of the paper plates, is this an important detail to the story? Is there a reason why the mc likes mexican food so much?<br /><br />Finally, I thought it was a lot of characters to introduce right away. Are these characters important to the story or just students that are minor acquaintances? I don't think I would remember much of the details about any of them or be able to keep them straight. Alexander and Jackie we get one detail and Harold nothing. I'd think about maybe introducing one character in this section and let us get to know that person before moving on to the others.<br /><br />Just some thoughts. I agree that this is a great concept. Good luck with this!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11591829594634822576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-89875717377339861852014-11-20T15:12:03.654-05:002014-11-20T15:12:03.654-05:00I love the concept of a spy school where the stude...I love the concept of a spy school where the students have to constantly "be on their toes." I think this has a lot of potential. However, I do agree with Michelle that the voices seems younger than MG in places, especially the sticking the tongue out part. Always remember that kids read up - they like reading about characters older than them. For example, a 9 year old would prefer reading about 11-13 year olds. <br /><br />I wish we knew a little more about the MC, such as gender and name. Overall, I am interested in seeing where this goes. Good job!A.C. Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12232543025049614992noreply@blogger.com