tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post2578513279558682377..comments2024-03-26T01:28:27.414-04:00Comments on It's In The Details: QK Round 4 Match 4: I'll Stand Bayou vs. Hungry Ocean GodsMichelle 4 Laughshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06876457259362839114noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-88945539538004657372018-06-25T18:41:35.304-04:002018-06-25T18:41:35.304-04:00I'LL STAND BAYOU:
I don't have any suggest...I'LL STAND BAYOU:<br />I don't have any suggestions. This is very, very good. I especially like the phrase "pine-scented taste of everyday magic".<br /><br />HUNGRY OCEAN GODS:<br />The query's awesome. All I'd do is add the specific genre to the info paragraph.<br /><br />Your first page is really good, and I'm going to say something really subjective: I'd like it if you played your cards closer to the vest. This first page sets out exactly what's happening and what the MC feels, which is good, but it's done is this very matter-of-fact way that nearly plunges us right into the inciting incident. Instead of telling us right off the bat how she feels and what she wants, you could be just a little more subtle about it, and spread the info out over the next few pages. Again, so subjective.To The Sword 159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-91107150021832294032018-06-25T17:58:28.934-04:002018-06-25T17:58:28.934-04:00Wow. This is the first time I can say I just have ...Wow. This is the first time I can say I just have zero to say. These are both fabulous, both strong, both so well done. Congratulations. Critiquing at this point (at least to me) would be pointless.<br /><br />I can't say one is stronger than the other, so I have to go with the subjective vote. The one that spoke more to me is I'LL STAND BAYOU.Princess Falafelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-52960849534966189632018-06-25T13:33:42.412-04:002018-06-25T13:33:42.412-04:00These stories are BOTH my huckleberry. The only pr...These stories are BOTH my huckleberry. The only problem with them is that they aren't on my bookshelf this instant.<br /><br />I'LL STAND BAYOU invokes a bayou Dresden Files. The one thing I was unclear of that kept coming back to me is the "spirit of New Orleans" stuff. I wasn't sure if this was literally referring to a spirit that the wardens have to get approval from to act out against a particular criminal interest?<br /><br />HUNGRY OCEAN GODS the query and pages selected are such a vast improvement over round one. I love the changes you've made to this. My thing I keep coming back to is the "justice for her brother" line, that I'm still not sure what she needs to get justice FOR. If he was brined into Kippersnacks and devoured by a bunch of hungry Deep Ones, I wish you'd just come out and say it!<br /><br />I want to read both of these when they're on the shelves and I'll be following them. But since I have to choose one...<br /><br />VICTORY to I'LL STAND BAYOU Gallowspidernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-72000552087984948722018-06-25T13:28:53.747-04:002018-06-25T13:28:53.747-04:00Ugh. These are both so fabulous. Bayou's query...Ugh. These are both so fabulous. Bayou's query is so tight, and the voice absolutely shines in the first page. And Ocean Gods is also great. I love how deep the POV is in the first page. Both of you have done so well with your revisions. It's a tough choice, but the voice in one of the entries is just a touch more to my liking. <br /><br />Victory to I'LL STAND BAYOU!The Red Cardigannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-35005411550090060582018-06-25T12:27:57.648-04:002018-06-25T12:27:57.648-04:00I'd read both of these. So I based my judgment...I'd read both of these. So I based my judgment on this: If both these books were on my desk right now, which one would I read first?<br /><br />Victory to I'LL STAND BY YOUNo one of consequencenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-81638150313637797022018-06-25T12:27:17.185-04:002018-06-25T12:27:17.185-04:00I like both of these a lot.
BAYOU: GREAT 250. An...I like both of these a lot. <br /><br />BAYOU: GREAT 250. And query. Really understand what I am getting into here.<br /><br />HUNGRY OCEAN GODS: Really nice query, although "A terrifying encounter with the daughter Mrs. Oliver keeps in her basement" is a lot to handle in one phrase. And it isn't specific enough for me.. keeps? is that locks? or does the daughter live there? Why is the daughter terrifying? I think you can really tighten up that part and get to the heart of what is going on.<br /><br />tough call, but<br />VICTORY TO BAYOU!Wonder Womannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-87889973638719818512018-06-25T12:11:55.302-04:002018-06-25T12:11:55.302-04:00Tidepool: A wonderfully strong contender for sure!...Tidepool: A wonderfully strong contender for sure! I still wish you could figure out how to weave some of the time period into the query with word choices or voice.<br /><br />I'll Stand Bayou: Such a strong entry from the start! Congrats for making it this far. All. The. Voice!<br /><br />VICTORY to I'LL STAND BAYOU!Red Ink Slingernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-12684599969401627642018-06-25T11:06:33.800-04:002018-06-25T11:06:33.800-04:00I'll Stand Bayou
I absolutely love the voice i...I'll Stand Bayou<br />I absolutely love the voice in your query and first 250! No suggestions for improvement.<br /><br />Hungry Ocean Gods<br />I love the feel of danger in your query; well done!<br />My only suggestion for your first 250 is to put a dialogue tag after “Betsy Mueller travels alone and has encountered no trouble” so the reader doesn’t have to pause to decide who’s speaking.<br /><br />This is a tough one, because I really enjoyed both entries. Hmm… I have to pick one. <br /><br />Victory to: I’LL STAND BAYOU <br />Gingernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-34959797806791297302018-06-25T10:59:57.468-04:002018-06-25T10:59:57.468-04:00HUNGRY OCEAN GODS, I'm excited to see you deci...HUNGRY OCEAN GODS, I'm excited to see you decided to start this one with Sorrow instead of Henry, but I think you can also reflect that in your query. "When Sorrow Hamilton's brother goes missing...etc." Have you considered swapping the first two paragraphs of your 250 (starting w/ dad's statement)? It might make for a nice hook.<br /><br />I'LL STAND BAYOU, wowza! First time I've seen this one, and it's dynamite. I have nothing to add, and would love to keep reading...<br /><br />VICTORY TO I'LL STAND BAYOU!jennyanydotsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-85897253818192554602018-06-25T10:24:26.608-04:002018-06-25T10:24:26.608-04:00Ugh! I really need both of these in my life. Lucki...Ugh! I really need both of these in my life. Luckily, I think readers do, too. <br /><br />However, I can only vote for one. VICTORY TO I'LL STAND BAYOU, for a terrific marriage of world building and voice.Good Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-47652890380303229162018-06-25T00:43:25.225-04:002018-06-25T00:43:25.225-04:00Nice job! Two great entries. Not much in the form ...Nice job! Two great entries. Not much in the form of feedback anymore. It'd just be critique for the sake of critique. Both of these are good to go.<br /><br />Victory to I'LL STAND BAYOU!Frozen Vealnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-12867521756961481012018-06-24T21:15:10.601-04:002018-06-24T21:15:10.601-04:00In I'll Stand Bayou, the query was really soli...In I'll Stand Bayou, the query was really solid. I'm not a huge supernatural fan, so I was surprised when the first 250 words drew me in.<br /><br />In Hungry Ocean Gods, I love the line '....warmth of a slab of granite.' Interesting premise, sounds like a good read! <br /><br />This was a hard call, but I'm going with I'll Stand Bayou for the win!Library junkienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-44988863578360645112018-06-24T13:06:04.933-04:002018-06-24T13:06:04.933-04:00Oh hell.
I knew this would happen. Two entries I ...Oh hell.<br />I knew this would happen. Two entries I really liked being put against one another. *shakes fist at the universe*<br /><br />I'LL STAND BAYOU: Your query tightening is on point. Get voice, great details and honestly, I would buy this book in a hot second.<br /><br />First 250: Still really well done. Right in the action, no messing around. Good dialogue and pacing, too. I honestly have ZERO feedback for you.<br /><br /><br />HUNGRY OCEAN GODS: Your query has been tweaked and it's still strong and eye catching! But can we please talk about your 250? SO. MUCH. BETTER. AND. STRONGER. We're now in Sorrow's head, not her brothers, and we get to save those little awesome nuggets from his trip to Tidepool for later. I love her voice and how "dad like" is that comment about Betsy not being his daughter? I can't tell you how many times my own parents have said that to me growing up. ha! But in all honesty, I'd also pick up this book in a heartbeat. Nicely done.<br /><br /><br />VICTORY: Sweet baby Jesus on a surfboard. I cannot choose. They're both great! So. That means flipping a coin. Best 2 out of 3 goes to....<br /><br />I'LL STAND BAYOUHobbesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308214465210382791.post-38721497691221747662018-06-24T08:04:23.738-04:002018-06-24T08:04:23.738-04:00Judges, please vote here. Good luck. Judges, please vote here. Good luck. Michelle 4 Laughshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06876457259362839114noreply@blogger.com