Rewind Week: Super Queries

I'm on vacation this week, so I'm rewinding some of my favorite posts about editing:

I won't claim to be an expert, despite hosting many query contests (Query Kombat, New Agent, Sun versus Snow, PitchSlam and Nightmare on Query Street), but I have read a fair share of queries. I've also written my share and critiqued dozens. So these are some tips from a quasi-amateur on what works in a query and first page. 

Much of querying is going to be subjective. Happening to have that concept an agent is on the lookout for. Using the name of an agent's pet cat without knowing it. Setting your story in an agent's favorite vacation spot. Matching the sense of humor of an agent or their love of a dark tale.

Beyond creating a top notch concept which is super marketable, those are things that are serendipity. Entirely based upon luck and for which you can't plan. (Though you can research. Getting to know something about agents will help you gear your query toward an agent.) These are not always things you can write into your query letter and first page. But there are things you can do to make your query stronger. 

The Foundations of a Good Query:

Much has been said about the benefit of a strong beginning hook. A hook is important, but the query will fall apart if the rest of the paragraphs let it down. Here are some other things that matter.

Be Clean: First off, the simplest advice. You want to catch those typos and missing words. You want to be sure your have commas where they belong. Which means get some unbiased eyes to examine your query for mistakes. Mistakes in a query and first page will hurt your chances. (More on first pages in another post.)

Motivation: The reader needs to be able to determine what makes your main character tick. There should be something in the query to show why your character needs to react. What is propelling them forward, instead of sitting at home? Maybe their family is in danger. Maybe they want to regain their memory. Maybe they'll do anything to find love. But there has to be a reason, because that reason tells us something about your character. It's what will make us care about them, or on the other side, hit delete if the motivation is not there.

Stakes: It's not enough to tell us why a character has to accomplish something. You have to tell us what happens if they fail and what happens if they succeed. In other words, nail the worst case scenario and the best. And, the difficult part, you have to be specific when you do this. No generic cliche is going to catch someone's attention among the hundreds of queries out there.

Avoid side plots: Stay away from venturing too far from the main plot/concept. A good book is going to be full of other things that the main character desires and complications that arise. Those should definitely be in the story, but they only make the query confusing. Avoid confusion. Focus on your main problem. The only exception being to include any romance that might be blossoming. That can usually be done in a query without being distracting.

Limit Named Characters: Another way to keep the query on track is to only name a very few characters. Keep it simple with identifying characters. The last thing you want is an agent going who is this guy again? They have enough to remember. 

Three is a good number of names to stick to. Too many names and places slow down a query and make it difficult to follow. That's not to say you can't use general identifiers like: her parents, work friends, humpbacked lab assistant. That fixes the relationship with the main character without bogging the query with a lot of names.

Creating a Super Query: 

Beyond the basics what can you do to make your query stand out above the hundreds that are out there? These are the sort of things that make the difference between a strong query and a super query that gets you into contests. 

Voice: The best and most effective way to make your query stand out is to fill it with voice. Let the attitude of your character shine. The query should almost seem to be coming out of their mouth. (Of course you need to stay in third person, which is why this is hard.)

And why is that good? Because it shows us what your main character is like. You know the saying, 'that's a man I'd like to have a beer with.' That's what you're going for with voice. Convincing us this character is someone we want to spend time with. You are putting your character's personality on display by the words and slang you use in your query.

Details: I touched on this in the stakes section, but I can't stress it enough. Be specific in your details. There's nothing more boring than a bunch of cliche lines. She has to save the day. He must rise to the challenge. Save what? Rise to what? Don't be cagey, tell us.

And the details should go beyond the stakes. Why? Because details show about a character. I remember one entry (first page) in Query Kombat that I picked specifically because of a mention of a pink flipflop and the noise being something her mom hated. That shows me something about the main character!

Make sure you use the right sort of details that make your character interesting, that bring out something about them. The wrong sort of details just make a query confusing as mentioned under avoiding side plots and extra names.

Set the tone: This might relate more to me, a subjective thing, but I like a query and/or first page with humor. If you book is humorous then that should be on display in your query. Conversely, if your story is dark, your query should reflect that.

Use the query to set the mood. In a query, the rules about avoiding adjectives don't apply so strictly. A query is short. You need to use the space you have and that means resorting to adjectives at times. They can be useful both for setting the tone and for creating voice.

Unique: Most of the information in this bottom section has been about establishing the personality of your main character and carrying that into the query. Focus on what makes your book unique. Being sure to detail what is unique about your story is another way to enlarge our knowledge about the character, but it can also go beyond characters.

If you story is set in a unique location, make sure you include that. If there is something different about your plot, make sure we know. 

And warning: Don't hide things as a 'surprise' for the reader by keeping them from your query. (Except for endings and big twists.) If your query doesn't hook, there's not going to be a second chance to awe us.

I heard from lots of people that didn't want to give too much away in a query. If the query doesn't hook us, it's not doing it's job. Like using specific details, unique qualities in your story are too important to save for later. 

A super query goes beyond the motivation, plot, and stakes of a story. A super query gives us a sense of personality, mood, and uniqueness. A super query makes us want to know more, makes us care. 

So there you have it. An incomplete--I'm sure--list of ways to make your query stronger. I hope it helps make creating your query a little easier and gives you more confidence.  

What's the best advice you've every had on a query?

Rewind Week: Commas with Interjections and Direct Address

I'm on vacation, so I'm rewinding some of my favorite editing posts:

Commas. Just when you think you've found where they all belong, there's another rule to confuse things.

Most people seem to know about using commas in a list (the Oxford comma), or including commas before conjunctions (or, but, and, so, if) connecting two independent clauses. But you also need commas when your sentence directly addresses someone or contains an interjection.


Some examples.

"Look out for that giant boulder, Rodger!"

"Rodger, look out for that giant boulder!"

Assuming the speaker took the time to say all this, they are directly addressing the soon-to-be-squished Rodger. A comma is needed before or after his name depending on the location of the name. Also notice that the people or person being addressed don't have to be called by name. A comma is still required even if the object isn't named.

"Everyone, look out for that giant boulder!"

"Look out for the giant boulder, everyone!"

"I love you, my little squishy face."

Butt head, that's my toe you're standing on." 

"Rodger never gets squished by boulders at home."

Conversely, here the speaker is only talking about Rodger, not to him, so no commas are needed.

"Geez, Mom, you're embarrassing me."

This sentence has two reasons for commas. First, you have an interjection that requires a comma and second this sentence is addressing someone. When the person being addressed is in the center of a sentence, they are offset by commas.

"Cool beans, Rodger, on becoming the next Flat Stanley."

An interjection is an add-on to the front, middle, or end of a sentence used to exclaim, protest, or command. Depending on how strong the exclaimation, it may or may not be its own sentence.

"Gee, that's swell."

"Hooray! That's swell!"

"Shit, Rodger was squished by a boulder."

"Oh, it got my toe, too!"

"Ow! It got my toe, too!"

"Being flat may be useful, but it's hard to kiss that way, isn't it?"

"Yes, I'm going to Rodger's funeral."

"Rodger should have listened to me, right?"

"Indeed, that was a bad day for Rodger."

"Well, he's at peace now."

Interjections can be a great way to break up your sentence structure and avoid monotony. Addressing characters in your sentences can help avoid confusion when multiple speakers are involved. Just remember the commas!

ReWind Week: Make Your Characters Likable

I'm on vacation, so I'm rewinding some of my favorite editing posts:

So at the beginning of your novel, your main character is a bitch or a bastard, is selfish or whiny, is bratty or works at an immoral job, or is just plain mean. Maybe they're an antihero, maybe they have a character arc to fulfill before they can join the human race. How do you keep readers from turning away in the first chapters? Some tricks can help you build a connection between your readers and your character and build sympathy. A few tweaks can get people to keep reading.

Here are the ideas that occur to me or that I've used myself:

1. Love something passionately Your character is selfish. They don't have any friends or very few. They're bitter and closed off. Give them something they do love and care about. A famous example of this is Katniss Everdeen from the opening of The Hunger Games. Deep down you know she's not a very sympathetic person. She thinks about her and her family and nobody else. But she loves her sister and so do you. Who couldn't love her after the duck thing with Prim's shirttail. Just make sure the audience also loves this person or pet. Yep, pets are great for this.

I've used this myself in Kindar's Cure. Kindar can't get along with her hateful family. She argues and speaks unkindly to her younger sister. To protect herself she must stay closed off and not reveal her feelings. But she loves her royal staff and does what she can to shield them from her mother's wrath. And she is also fond of her older sister.

2. Act of kindness Your character is a jerk. They're not very thoughtful. Like the shirttail episode between Katniss and Prim, have your character do an unnecessary act of kindness. They're awful to anyone and everyone, but they hold the door open for an old lady. They stop a kid from running into the road. They give up their seat on a bus to a handicapped person. They pick up some litter or do the dishes at home. They do something that makes a reader consider this character may be redeemable after all.

I've used this also. After a fight with her family, I have a character do the dishes as a goodwill gesture. Small sure. But maybe just enough when combined with the other tricks listed here.

3. Experience doubt/remorse Your character argues constantly with their parents or your character does has an immoral job- assassin, spy, thief. Have them experience some doubts about their choice of action. Put some question into their thoughts. "Am I doing the right thing?" Have them feel bad about fighting or being disrespectful--at least in their own thoughts--even if not voiced aloud. Maybe they still believe they are in the right, but they don't feel happy about their actions.

What could be more human than to have doubt and remorse. We all do it and can connect with it. Even as she fights, I had the character in number two feeling bad about the arguing. She stands by her belief that she's right, but she's not happy to have hurt her family.

4. Make them interesting If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Your character is evil brought to Earth and has no good qualities. So make them fascinating. They do the unexpected. They keep the reader guessing. They have a compelling and attractive voice that stands out in a crowd. They'd make the cover of Time with their sheer unpredictability and gotta see what they do next.

5. Make everything else interesting In the vein of the last idea, your main character is a putz that nobody is going to like, but your world and plot is going to keep people reading. You make your world building so new and unique that nobody gives a crap that they hate your character. Or your plot is so nonstop that there's no time to pause in reading to consider if they like your protagonist.

Give readers something always new and fast paced and hope that's enough for them.

6. Paint them in a corner Your main character is no Mother Teresa, but you put them in such danger or into such a tight place that readers are instantly rooting for them. Get readers hoping your character makes it out alive and you've won half the battle.

I also did this in Kindar's Cure. I hit Kindar with one terrible thing after another in the opening chapters until she was literally forced to flee her home.

7. They ain't the worst Hand and hand with number six, goes this tip. Your character is unsympathetic but all the other character are even more distasteful. Your character looks good by comparison. I've seen this done a lot in darker stories. I'm guessing this is a GRRM tactic.


Many of my main characters seem to start out as not the most reader friendly. So there are the ideas that rattle around in my noggin or that I've employed without even thinking about it. Consider using one or a combination of these for your own characters.

Or maybe you have your own tricks and tips. What have you used or noticed being used to make a character likable?