Please remember these are my thoughts only and I'm just one subjective opinion. Others may feel differently on how to shape a query.
My next
Dear [Ms./Mr.][Agent Last Name]:
[Personalize e.g. I understand you are looking for magical Middle Grade books with funny protagonists]. I’m excited to share MIRA AND THE MAGINS with you, which features a science-minded main character with two moms.
As the homeschooled only child of a U.S. patent attorney and an aerospace engineer, twelve-year-old Mira could have already completed her G.E.D. Instead, her moms decided she should spend the past year preparing to apply to Roebling’s Academy, an elite engineering prep-school in Austria. Mira would love nothing more than to study science at Roebling’s, but it’s hard to get her hopes up about admission when her success or failure to get into the Academy also determines whether her moms receive either much needed lab funding or notoriety.
And then Mira is accidentally assigned an imaginary friend whom only she can see: Gimmer. Hailing from the Unseen Realm where all sorts of magical creatures like him apparently exist, Gimmer’s unique ability to teleport all over the place is driving Mira nuts. But Gimmer refuses to leave because he needs to meet one last quota of imagination magic to apply for a promotion in his world. After centuries of being looked down upon and ignored by his society just because his magical class is a Secondary color, rather than being a Primary or Tertiary color, Gimmer wants to prove to his world that Secondaries are good for more than just being ‘gofors.’
But, unbeknownst to Gimmer and Mira, the corrupt governing body of Gimmer’s world is close to completing a spell that would enable them to enslave all of humanity with their magic. The only missing piece? Gimmer’s teleport power. They’ve been trying to quietly obtain it for years with no success. More drastic measures must now be taken. To siphon his power—a process with a very high fatality rate—the Council captures Gimmer. Mira will have to decide whether to stay the course of her known, successful future that’s been planned for her entire life, or risk everything she believes in to try and save the life of an imaginary friend she didn’t make up.
MIRA AND THE MAGINS is a 68,000 word middle grade Contemporary Fantasy that can be described as Monsters, Inc. meets THE ART OF WISHING by Lindsay Ribar, sans the fur and romance.
As for me, I am a California video game attorney with a film production degree. I thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
With my crazy comments:
Dear [Ms./Mr.][Agent Last Name]:
[Personalize e.g. I understand you are looking for magical Middle Grade middle grade (Subjective, but to me it looks odd when capitalized.) books with funny protagonists]. I’m excited to share MIRA AND THE MAGINS with you, which features a science-minded main character with two moms.
As the homeschooled only child of a U.S. patent attorney and an aerospace engineer, twelve-year-old Mira could have already completed her G.E.D. Instead, her moms decided she should spend the past year preparing to apply to Roebling’s Academy, an elite engineering prep-school in Austria. Mira would love nothing more than to study science at Roebling’s, but it’s hard to get her hopes up about admission when her success or failure to get into the Academy also determines whether her moms receive either much needed lab funding or notoriety. (This last sentence is rather long. Maybe it can be simplified. Mira would love to study science at Roebling's, but it's hard to get her hopes up--especially when her failure will cost her moms needed lab funding and clients.)
And then Mira is accidentally assigned (We've taken an abrupt turn, but I'm flowing with it. Who assigned them together? That info might help ground the reader.) an imaginary friend whom only she can see: Gimmer. Hailing from the Unseen Realm where all sorts of magical creatures like him apparently exist (this gives it a hint of voice), Gimmer’s unique ability to teleport all over the place is driving Mira nuts. (Tie it to the first paragraph.) How is she supposed to study? But Gimmer(I would rewrite this sentence from Mira's POV. Her attempts to give him the cold shoulder or trick him into leaving fall flat.) refuses to leave because he needs to meet one last quota of imagination magic to apply for a promotion in his world. After centuries of being looked down upon and ignored by his society just because his magical class is a Secondary color, rather than being a Primary or Tertiary color, (Too much unnecessary detail. It's a subplot, not needed for the query.) Gimmer sees Mira as his chance to wants to prove to his world that Secondaries are he is good for more than just being a ‘gofors.’
But, unbeknownst to Gimmer and Mira, the corrupt governing body of Gimmer’s world is close to completing a spell that would enable them to enslave all of humanity with their magic. Their only missing piece? is Gimmer’s teleport power. They’ve been After trying to quietly obtain it for years with no success., Mmore drastic measures must now be taken. The Council captures Gimmer to siphon his power—a process with a very high fatality rate—the Council captures Gimmer. (End the sentence with the most punch-high fatality.) Mira will have to decide whether to stay the course of her known, successful planned out future that’s been planned for her entire life (I think known and successful says the same thing as planned. I liked planned better.), or risk everything she believes in to try and save the life of an imaginary friend she didn’t make up. (she didn't know she loved? the imaginary pain-in-the-bottom she didn't know she loved? The imaginary pain-in-the-bottom she can't live without? Play around with adding more voice to it.)
MIRA AND THE MAGINS is a 68,000 (It's on the wordy side for MG, but I've seen ms longer sell.) word middle grade Contemporary Fantasy contemporary fantasy that can be described as Monsters, Inc. meets THE ART OF WISHING The Art of Wishing (Keep the comp titles smaller than your title.) by Lindsay Ribar, sans the fur and romance.
As for me, I am a California video game attorney with a film production degree. I thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
A little trimming to take off some tangent side plot. A little rewording to shorten some sentences. A little added voice. And this query will be all set!
Just remember it's all subjective and change what works for you. I hope this helps.
A little trimming to take off some tangent side plot. A little rewording to shorten some sentences. A little added voice. And this query will be all set!
Just remember it's all subjective and change what works for you. I hope this helps.
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