Tuesday, June 27, 2017

QK Round 5: Bounty and the Beast vs. Book Boys Gone Wild!

Title: Dangerous Beasts
Entry nickname: Bounty and the Beast
Word count: 85,000
Genre: Adult Fantasy Romance

Query:

Exiled beast charmer Leena Edenfrell is in deep shit. Empty pockets force her to sell her beloved magical beasts on the black market—an offense punishable by death—and the Charmers Council hires a lethal assassin to exact punishment. With the realm’s most talented murderer-for-hire nipping at her heels, Leena makes him an offer he can’t refuse: a promise to procure a handful of mythical creatures in exchange for her life.

For assassin Noc, murder comes easy and pays well. But only fools pass up the chance to own rare and powerful magical beasts, even if that means lying to one enchanting charmer. Agreeing to Leena’s terms, Noc plans to keep the bounty live on her head until the creatures are his. Two paychecks, one job, no sleep lost.

To hunt for creatures, Noc and Leena embark on a quest across the countryside of Lendria. But traps capture more than beasts, and ensnared hearts are hard to untangle. Banished by the people she loved, Leena has no desire to take her heart out of exile, yet Noc is nothing like the monsters on the Council—or so she thinks. Bound by the magic of the assassin’s oath, Noc can’t renege on the contract for Leena’s head unless he’s willing to sacrifice his own. But neither can tame their growing feelings, and the ever-watchful Council demands blood. With Noc’s hands and heart tied, and Leena dodging enemies at every turn, no manner of beasts or money can protect their hides.

First 250:

By the time evening fell, three things were certain: the gelatinous chunks of lamb were absolute shit, my beady-eyed client was hankering for more than the beasts in my pocket, and I was being watched.

Two out of the three were normal for my after-hours dealings.

Sliding my meat to the side, I propped my elbows against the heavy plank table. My client lasted two seconds before his gaze roved to the book-shaped locket dangling in my cleavage. Wedging his thick fingers between his shirt collar and neck, he tugged gently on the fabric.

“You have what I came for?” Nasally and high-pitched, his voice grated along my skin. A businessman. A rare visitor in Midnight Jester, my preferred black market bar. My pocket hummed with the possibility of money, and I fingered the copper key hidden in my pants.

“Maybe.” I nudged the metal dinner plate farther away, and the gray meat jiggled. “How did you find me?” Dez, the bartender, sourced most of my clients, but a businessman? Neckties and Midnight Jester didn’t mingle. Shady with a side of grime, the regulars were as dirty as the floors. I shifted in the booth crammed against the shiplap wall, and the cracking black cushions creaked.

The unseen pair of eyes lingering in a dark recess of the bar burrowed further into the back of my head. Faint movement from the shadows flickered into my awareness. Movement that should have gone unnoticed, but I’d learned to be prepared for such things. 



VERSUS


Title: Paper Seeds
Entry Nickname: Book Boys Gone Wild!
Word count: 109k
Genre: YA Contemporary Fantasy

Query

When seventeen-year-old Harlow Jackson gets dumped at her grandma Minny's wake, she's devastated, pissed as hell, and without an escort for the debutante season starting the very next day. But then Harlow finds something Minny left her: paper seeds. Minny always told her that if you place a magical paper seed in a book, and plant it in the ground, you can grow anything you desire from its pages.

In a fit of desperation, revenge, and, okay fine, a little too much funeral punch, Harlow grows teenage versions of Mr. Knightley, Sherlock Holmes, Dorian Gray, and Dracula to be her and her friends' debutante escorts. Because everyone knows there's only one thing better than a handsome, well-groomed, drawling Southern beau... an English gentleman. Harlow is tired of feeling second rate in her small Southern town, and vows to use the boys to beat her ex, and the mean-girl debutantes, at their own game. Frankly, she'd love to burn their perfect curls off their pretty little heads, but that would just be gravy. Instead, she'll settle for winning the debutante crown and the accompanying cash scholarship prize, which she badly needs.

Harlow passes the boys off as four rather eccentric foreign exchange students, and everything goes according to plan until the book-boys discover their own origins and run amok. At the same time, the town witch, Madame LeRoux, comes after Harlow for the paper seeds, claiming that planting them will have dark consequences for Harlow and the people she loves. Harlow must uncover the origin and twisted history of the paper seeds to discover a way to undo what she's grown. But as generations of town secrets and lies begin to unravel, Harlow discovers it was her beloved grandmother Minny who may have been hiding the biggest, ugliest secret of them all.


First 250
:

If I hadn’t been standing in the middle of my grandmother Minny's wake, I would have whacked that boy in the man parts so hard, people would be looking at pictures of his children in years to come and say—see the funny ear that kid has? Harlow Jackson did that.

But Jonathan took my hand and squeezed it, like he was bestowing some sort of warm comfort on me. He wore the gray shirt I'd saved up a week's wages for, the one that was the exact color of his eyes.

Now, I wanted to rip it off him.

And not in a good way.

I took a deep breath and tried to be civil. “Your parents will get used to the idea of us. I have a way of winning people over, you know.” I smiled my most becoming smile and flashed my dimple. Jonathan loved my dimple. Everyone loved my dimple.

He closed his eyes. “It’s not that, Harlow.”

“Then what is it?” I said, too loud.

Madison Pace cocked her ear in our direction as she scooped bean dip onto her plate at the food table. Nosey was not an adjective in this town, it was a given.

I tugged Jonathan’s hand, and he followed me out onto the front porch. The sky was gray, just waiting to burst open, the air heavy and thick. October in Georgia was not a cool, crisp autumn. It’s more like standing over a pot of boiling pasta. Or maybe more like being the pasta.

31 comments:

  1. Judges reply here with your vote. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is not an easy pick! These are both great concepts, voices, strong queries. It's always super hard at this point.

      Victory: BOOK BOYS GONE WILD!

      Delete
    2. Both of these are great, and both are something I'd definitely read. The concept in book boys is amazing, but I think the first page is infinitesimally better in Bounty. So my vote is VICTORY TO BOUNTY AND THE BEAST.

      Delete
    3. These are both wonderful, though obviously I have to make a choice. I am going with the one I can see on the shelves - victory to BOOK BOYFRIENDS!

      Delete
    4. No One Of ConsequenceJune 27, 2017 at 10:09 AM

      Love the premise of Book Boys, but the writing in Bounty is at a higher level.

      Victory to BOUNTY AND THE BEAST

      Delete
    5. Congrats to both authors for making into the Final Four! You have done an amazing job. Both queries and 250 are fantastic and you both did a great job at pulling me into the story!

      I cannot decide! So I had to flip a coin. Best two out of three....

      VICTORY GOES TO: BOUNTY AND THE BEAST.

      Delete
    6. Great premises and terrific writing, but there is something very atmospheric about one that has me declaring victory to...

      BOUNTY AND THE BEAST

      Delete
    7. First, a huge congratulations for making it so far! These are both absolutely wonderful entries with great voices and concepts. I'd read them both in a heart beat and I'm sure they will be on book shelves soon.

      VICTORY TO: BOOK BOYFRIENDS

      Delete
    8. Love these both--very original concepts.

      VICTORY TO BOOK BOYFRIENDS!!

      Delete
    9. I love both of these entries, but one of them captured my heart from the start and refused to let go...

      Victory to Book Boys Gone Wild!

      Delete
    10. Congrats to both of these awesome entries for making it this far - rock on!

      But because I really enjoyed the voice so much and kinda want to be friends with the MC (is that weird?) ... Victory to BOOK BOYS GONE WILD!

      Delete
    11. Congrats to both entries! This choice felt impossible, but in the end there can only be one so...

      Victory to BOOK BOYS!

      Delete
    12. Really, both of these are fantastic and I was pulling for them the entire time. But one just makes my heart soar!

      Victory to BOUNTY AND THE BEAST!!!!!!

      Delete
    13. Congratulations to both of you for getting this far!!! Best of luck in the future!

      VICTORY: BOOK BOYS GONE WILD!

      Delete
    14. These are both such strong queries, full of humor and heart--congrats to both of you!

      Victory to Book Boys Gone Wild!

      Delete
    15. Really tough decision!

      Bounty and the Beast: beautiful, vivid language in both the query and the first 250, which is tough to do in a query. I especially love the line that starts out with "But traps capture..." Strong voice in the first 250. No constructive feedback to offer.

      Book Boys Gone Wild:

      I loved this entry the first time I read it in Round 2. Great job with your revisions. My only critique is that I think the stakes in the query are just a little too vague. If they were a tad more specific, I think this entry would be perfect!

      Victory to Bounty and the Beast!

      Delete
    16. I'm just in love with everything about BOUNTY AND THE BEAST, so I'm sticking with it!

      Victory to BOUNTY AND THE BEAST!

      Delete
    17. I loved both entries, but I feel like the first 250 words of BOOK BOYS maintains my interest more. There is beautiful imagery in BOUNTY AND THE BEAST, but too much description in the first page for my taste.

      VICTORY TO BOOK BOYS GONE WILD

      Delete
    18. Vanellope von SchweetzJune 28, 2017 at 8:53 AM

      Nooooo! I love these both :( but okay, fine, since I can only pick one: VICTORY TO BOOK BOYS GONE WILD!

      Delete
    19. I really love both of these entries. Best of luck to you both!

      VICTORY TO BOOK BOYS GONE WILD!

      Delete
    20. Two great entries!! Congrats for making it this far!
      Victory to BOUNTY AND THE BEAST

      Delete
    21. I've never been a fan of Bounty and the Beast, so this one is easy for me.

      VICTORY TO: Book Boys Gone Wild!

      Delete
    22. Congratulations to both Kombatants on making round five! I admire the CLARITY with which you've presented your complex stories. Well done.

      Yet there can be only one victor, and I say Victory to BOUNTY AND THE BEAST!

      Delete
    23. Amazing entries that I would both LOVE to read. I have voted for each of you in other rounds, but alas, I must choose one. Congrats to both of you!!!

      VICTORY TO BOUNTY AND THE BEAST!

      Delete
    24. These are both really great entries! I have to say I really pity agents. Both things are polished to the point that I think we are down to subjective preference.

      For me, that's victory to Book Boys Gone Wild!

      Delete
    25. Lumpy Space Author says victory for BOOK BOYS GONE WILD!

      Delete
  2. Love to both but VICTORY to BOOK BOYS GONE WILD!

    Professor Macgonagall

    ReplyDelete
  3. The concept of Book Boys probably appeals to me more, but the VOICE of Bounty just transports me instantly to your world.

    I'm big on voice, so...

    Victory to BOUNTY AND THE BEAST!

    ReplyDelete
  4. From CatAttack

    Both are terrific entries, but...

    VICTORY TO BOUNTY AND THE BEAST!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, wow this is hard because I've loved these both since first reading the queries and 250. These have been my two absolute faves every round. Now I have to choose. *EEK

    I'm going to go with BOOK BOYS GONE WILD because I really love the fun premise and would totally swoon over those boys if they popped up in the real world :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Outer Space Potato ManJune 28, 2017 at 1:56 PM

    Wow, this is the first time I've read the query for Book Boys Gone Wild, and it sounds like such a fun book. However, I've loved Bounty and the Beast since the first round. So a new favorite vs. an old favorite.

    Hmmm. I've gone back and forth on this a lot. I like that Beasts is shorter, as I feel like there is a lot of bloat in today's fantasy market. And it has such solid writing. But Book Boys has a great premise and I love books that take place in the south.

    Victory: BOUNTY and the BEAST

    ReplyDelete